Dating today looks nothing like dating in the 50s (or even the early 2000s!). It’s a whirlwind of swiping, ghosting, texting, double-texting, triple-analyzing, and finally — maybe — meeting in person, if Mercury is in a good mood.

So let’s talk about the texting phase. You know, that mysterious no man’s land between “Hey :)” and “Let’s grab a drink tonight.” How much texting is too much before you meet up IRL? Should you get to know them first, or save the juicy stuff for the date? Should you text like pen pals in 1842 or like you’re live-streaming your thoughts into their brain?

According to a recent New York Post article, the answer is somewhere in between. Experts suggest you shouldn’t be texting non-stop for weeks without plans to meet. Why? Because texting chemistry doesn’t always translate into real-world sparks. And sometimes, people seem like witty rom-com characters over text… but give strong “left on read” energy in person.

One dating coach quoted in the article warns against getting stuck in the textationship. That’s where you message endlessly, share your trauma, debate favorite pizza toppings, and then never actually meet — congratulations, you’re basically long-distance pen pals with someone 3 miles away.

So what’s the magic formula?

~ Enough texting to establish you’re both real humans and vaguely sane, but…

~ Not so much texting that you’ve mentally married each other by day four.

A few light, flirty convos? Great. A phone call to confirm they don’t breathe like Darth Vader? Even better. But after a handful of exchanges, don’t be afraid to say: “Hey, you seem cool. Want to grab a drink and see if we vibe in 3D?”

Because real connection happens face-to-face. Or, at the very least, over tacos and a mutual love of true crime podcasts.

And if you’re tired of dead-end DMs or dating apps that feel like part-time jobs, try OBC— a casual, no-pressure dating site where you can actually meet people who want to meet people. Like, in person. IRL. So go ahead. Send that “hey” and make it mean something!