Let’s talk about cookie jarring. No, it’s not a new fitness trend or a weird sex move involving baked goods (though we’d probably try both). It’s the dating habit of keeping someone “on the shelf”—not your main squeeze, but someone you dip into when things get lonely or your first choice flakes.

Cue the pearl-clutching. One recent article called cookie jarring “disgusting.” Really? That’s rich coming from a culture that ghosted so hard we made “breadcrumbing” a term.

Here’s the thing: Dating more than one person isn’t gross. It’s literally what dating is—figuring out who’s right for you. The problem isn’t the cookie jar; it’s pretending you only have one.

If you’re dating multiple people and being honest about it? You’re doing great, sweetie. That’s not shady—that’s respectful and emotionally mature. Just don’t be the jerk who makes someone think they’re your main course when they’re actually dessert you only eat when your fridge is empty.

Consent isn’t just for the bedroom (though please also practice safe, consensual fun in there). It applies to emotional stuff, too. So if you’re keeping a few cookies in your jar, let everyone know where they stand. And if you’re in someone’s cookie jar, ask yourself: Are you okay being a backup snack—or do you deserve to be the whole damn buffet?

The bottom line: Cookie jarring doesn’t have to be a dirty secret. It can be a deliciously adult decision—as long as everyone involved reads the label.

Want to meet open-minded singles who get it?

Join the fun at OBC, where honesty is sexy, and cookies are always welcome.