SHOCKER, EVERYONE. SERIOUSLY. PUT DOWN YOUR COFFEE OR TEA OR HOT VODKA BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO SERIOUSLY BLOW YOUR MIND INTO A MILLION PIECES.

According to a new study, schools that only offer abstinence-only sex education are reporting higher STD rates than their counterparts that teach comprehensive sex ed – including safe sex lessons.

Are you okay? Did the shock give you a heart attack?

… oh wait…

No, you’re not? Because it’s about as obvious of news as you could possible imagine? WHODA THUNK.

Via Yahoo! News:

The states with the highest STD rates are also those with largely abstinence-only programs. This is not a coincidence: Young people who receive only abstinence-only education tend to engage in riskier sexual health behaviors once becoming sexually active. Southern states report the highest percentage of students having had sexual intercourse prior to age 13; the highest percentage of students who have had intercourse with four or more partners; and the highest incidence of sexual activity without barriers or contraception.

All that translates, not surprisingly, into higher rates of STD infection.

We wonder if this news (along with the knowledge that abstinence only education is highly correlated with teen pregnancy rates) will push those states to change their curriculum and finally teach teenagers that sex doesn’t need to be feared if it is done safely.

HAHAHAHAH yeah right.