1. Stalking

Remember back before the internet, when the only way to stalk someone was to literally stand in the bushes next to their house and peek in through their window while simultaneously trying to avoid being seen by the cops? In those day, stalking was an art. Only the super creepy dudes of the world were able to pull it off. Now, with Facebook, any 13 year old girl with DSL can become a friggin’ CIA agent .

2. Making Exes Jealous

For guys, breaking up on Facebook just means their status is about to change to single (hell yes, I’m gonna get so much ass!), and they probably won’t even take down any photos of their ex. Oppositely, when a woman breaks up (or is broken up with) she will delete any evidence of the ex, whether it be photos, wall posts, or song lyrics in her info that remind her of him. Then they will spend the next three weeks taking skanky photos of themselves with other guys, just to make their ex jealous, not realizing than unlike her, he doesn’t get on Facebook every 25 seconds.

2. Fishing for compliments

Why else is there ever a reason to update that you “just feel ugly today”? Aren’t there like, diaries or journals or best friends to cry about your insecurities to? The self-deprecating status update has one intention: the immediate “omgomgomg no u r not!” comments that follow.

3. Attempting to look smarter than they really are

Oh yeah, I’m sure you’re favorite author is Ernest Hemingway. I’m sure.

4. Being passive-aggressive

Women love being passive aggressive in general. This is common knowledge. So when the world was graced with the Facebook status update, it became just another venue by which to make seemingly general statements that are obviously directed at a specific person. “Why do men seem to think they don’t have to take responsibility for anything?” can easily be translated to, “Brad is an ass and I hate him.”

5.Making their friends look bad

The digital camera is great for many reasons, one of which is that you can preview and delete any photos you don’t like. Ever seen a group of girls take a picture? One of them immediately snatches the camera to make sure she doesn’t look ugly/have arm fat/have a lazy eye in the picture. On the other hand, she’ll have no problem posting for the world to see a photo of her friend looking like a repulsive swamp thing with vomit coming out of her nose. Ah, friendship.