Let’s talk about a sneaky dating habit that might be flying under your radar — floodlighting. No, it’s not about installing stadium lights in your backyard. It’s actually a behavior trend in relationships, and according to this Today article, it’s something that can seriously derail your romantic connections if you’re not careful.

So, what is floodlighting?

Think of it like emotional oversharing on steroids — but not the healthy, getting-vulnerable kind. Floodlighting happens when someone shares deeply personal, intense, or even traumatic information way too early in a relationship. The idea? They’re skipping the slow burn of building trust and trying to fast-forward into intimacy. Spoiler alert: it usually backfires.

You might hear things like:

• “I’ve never told anyone this, but…”

• “My last relationship ended badly — I caught them cheating.”

• “I have major trust issues, just so you know.”

These aren’t red flags by themselves — we all have baggage. But when someone drops this kind of emotional weight on you early and often, it can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even manipulative. According to therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw (quoted in the article), this kind of sharing “creates a false sense of closeness.”

And sometimes, it’s not even about closeness — it’s about control.

Why do people floodlight?

Some people floodlight because they’re anxious, scared of rejection, or want to test how much you’re willing to “handle.” Others might do it as a form of emotional dumping, without realizing the impact it has on the other person.

Whatever the reason, it creates a lopsided relationship dynamic where one person is doing all the heavy emotional lifting — and the other feels like they’re stuck under a pile of bricks.

How to spot it (and avoid it)

Here’s the thing: real intimacy takes time. So if someone you just met is baring their soul in the first few conversations, take a step back and ask yourself:

• Do I feel comfortable with this?

• Is this a two-way street, or am I being asked to carry someone else’s emotional load?

And if you catch yourself floodlighting, don’t panic — it doesn’t make you a bad dater. Just try slowing down and giving the relationship time to unfold naturally. Save the deep dives for when you’ve both built a little trust and emotional safety.

Bottom line:

Healthy connection is built in layers — not dropped like a bomb. Whether you’re swiping on OBC Dating or meeting someone IRL, remember that pacing matters. You don’t need to overshare to make someone like you. Sometimes, the best way to build intimacy… is to take it slow.