Turns out, in the early stages of dating, words just don’t cut it. A study in Evolutionary Psychological Science has some advice that hits harder than any “thinking of you” text: women value small, real gestures—like cooking a meal or helping with chores—over “romantic” talk. These simple acts signal warmth, reliability, and that someone’s actually invested in being there—not just in sending flirty emojis.

What did the researchers do? They ran three experiments with over 500 heterosexual adults in China—and found a clear pattern: women viewed action-oriented partners as more trustworthy and emotionally safe than those spouting sweet nothings.

Meanwhile, men showed a more mixed bag of preferences—some still dig the sweet talk, but others don’t really pick a side. It might come down to how each gender weighs long-term relationship potential versus immediate emotional buzz.

Oh—and heads up: if your date seems too smooth and loaded with talk, be on the lookout for red flags. The study points out some shady personality traits (think “fast-life” signals and “dark” social media habits) that might not come across so obviously in chat.

Ladies, if you’re tired of endless poetry in your DMs that never shows up IRL? Let him show up for you! Guys, if you want to stand out, skip the sweet talk and roll up your sleeves—literally (even if it’s just helping pick up your drink).

Ready to ditch the lip service and bring your A-game IRL? Then it’s time to join OBC, the only place where singles aren’t looking for sugar-coated lines, but bite-size action and actual connection. OBC is where your moves—unfiltered, honest, and sometimes messy—count. Sign up, show up, and save the sweet talk for your mama.