Did you know the Grammy’s were on last night? Did you know that the Grammy’s still EXISTED? Yeah, I know, me neither. In this post-Pirate Bay world, who even gives a sh*t about who wins these dumb awards anymore anyway? Really the only thing people watch the Grammy’s for is to see who bought a dress made out of butterfly wings, right? Well, anyway, I guess people do sort of care because last nights Grammy’s had the best ratings in 10 years. And going through all the news surrounding it, I guess I can kind of see why:

1. Justin Bieber got beat out by a Nobody McWTFstein

Bieber-loving tweens around the world raged so hard they sprouted a dozen extra pimples last night when they didn’t hear their precious deity’s name called for Best New Artist. He was beaten by a jazz artist name Esperanza Spalding, who I guess won because of like, talent or something instead of hair-perfectness like you’re supposed to. The Legion of Biebs took to the interwebz to do what they do best: cry angry tears and work very hard on something that no one cares about. As you can see, they made a few gratuitous edits to her Wikipedia page, including telling her to die and making the oddly hilarious change to her middle name. Wikipedia editors worked very quickly to take it down, although the peeps at Gawker grabbed a screen shot so we could enjoy it forever.

2. A woman reporting at the Grammy’s had a friggin’ STROKE on-air

People around the world felt their Catholic guilt creep up after laughing hysterically at Serene Branson, an LA reporter who fumbled her words horrifically while doing Grammy’s coverage. Everyone was like, WTF, and LOL all over the place until KTLA let them know they were all a**holes and Serene had to go the hospital for a stroke. Awesome guys. Ten Hail Mary’s for all of you. Although to be fair it was pretty funny at the time.

3. Lady Gaga out-Gaga-ed herself

Because she wakes up every morning wondering like an evil genius how she can TAKE OVER THE WORLD, Lady Gaga showed up to the Grammy’s in what looked like a rotten egg carried by four creepy looking characters that could have fallen right out of the movie Pan’s Labrynth. And then she crawled out of said rotten egg DRESSED AS THE YOLK I THINK, and the world wasn’t like “ooh, how creative,” they were like, “go home, Lady Gaga.”

4. Christina Aguilara fell on stage

You know how they say “when it rains, it pours”? Well apparently that is a fitting phrase for embarrassments because Christina Aguilara had her second performance flub in two weeks: this time she ate crap on stage mid-song. First the National Anthem screw up and now this? Girl better crawl back into bed cause it’s gonna be a rough year.

Yeah so that’s about all you missed if you were too busy out Sunday Funday-ing to sit down and watch a bunch of sociopaths reaffirm their smugness. Sit tight for the official BCU recap of the Oscars in two weeks.