The Curse of the Bad Booty Call is one that we’ve all encountered. You mistakenly bring someone home thinking you’ll have an awesome hookup and call it a night, but sometime between hailing a cab and arriving at your front door you realize this is the 2nd worst idea, right after throwing your cat off the roof with a homemade parachute in 1st grade (true story). Maybe they’re not looking so sexy in the light, or they’ve started talking about making babies. Either way, it’s a do or die situation.

On a traditional date at a dinner table in a restaurant, you could easily say, “thank you so much for dinner, I really have to be going.” Unfortunately, you’ve already got them sitting on your couch, and they are expecting some booty tonight. How do you get them off your leather couch and out of your life? Here are a few tips to get you outta this Bad Booty Predicament.

1) Think ahead

This one won’t help you if you’re already in the midst of a terrible hook up, but if you have time to prepare, you should have a good friend call at a designated time with an “emergency” that they “really need your help with,” like, seriously “right now.” Even if your date knows you’re bluffing, it’s probably because someone’s pulled this card on them before, so they know the drill.

2) Develop a strange nervous twitch

Pulling an Eric Cartman from South Park spouting uncontrollable obscenities isn’t the key here. Just something small, subtle, and irritating will work. Maybe a weird slurp every few minutes or a left eye wink will look weird enough that they’ll probably make a quick exit.

3) Bust out a video camera

And when they say, “what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Nonchalantly say, “Don’t you remember me telling you this is all for a science experiment?” This could backfire, though, if you’ve picked up someone super kinky.

4) Let them catch you talking to a friend about how weird they are

Even if you don’t have a pre-planned phone call coming in, you can easily grab your phone while they’re in the bathroom and just as they’re walking out pretend to end a conversation with “yeah, I’ll call you once this freak leaves.” If they have any pride, they’ll leave immediately.

5) If they’ve somehow found their way into your room, give them a strip tease

And no, not a sexy one. Make a game for yourself where you try and undress in the least attractive way possible. Dance with no rhythm and talk in a creepy voice. By making yourself repulsive to them, they’ll have no choice but to leave for their own sanity.