Gosh, it’s been so long since we’ve gotten a cringe-worthy dose of WTF BCU search terms (6 months, in fact!). It appeared for quite some time that you people had calmed down and decided not to give me a case of the creeps, but of course that couldn’t last forever!

Here are some of the weirdest (and most hilarious) search terms you used to get to BCU. Prepare yourself!

Public Vagina: Although I understand that some women treat their lady parts like truck stop restrooms, I am SURE that (like a truck stop restroom) men should not want ANY part of that. OBC approves of safe, fun, casual sex, but looking for a vagina with a prefix meaning “Of or concerning the people as a whole” MIGHT not be your best idea.

porno extreme sick excrement video izzle: As though the 5/6ths of this phrase weren’t disturbing enough, someone added the Snoop phraseology “izzle,” but for what reason? FOR WHAT REASON?!?!

mammals reproduction: Boring? Maybe. But the fact that a basic Google search term, probably with the intent of high school science class research, would bring a 16-year-old to THIS BLOG is pretty damn hilarious.

weird penice: I believe that “penice” is the condition in male reproductive organs which results in a temporary “shrinkage,” perhaps from a cold pool or chilly locker room.

girls wearing flip flops in porn videos: Well, I suppose this isn’t the most shocking of fetishes (no, I KNOW this isn’t the most shocking of fetishes), although I would love to know what it is about the flip flop that would turn someone on enough to search for specific videos. Perhaps it’s the way the show resembles thong underwear? Or how it makes a little clap noise when it hits the girl’s heel? I don’t know. All I think of is a girty hippie in flip flops whose ankles and heels are all cracked and dirty and UGH EXCUSE ME, MUST VOMIT.

That’s enough for today. I’m going back to bed.