Woop WOOP! We’re back! After a week of nature-packed, internet-less vacay, we’re strapping in for the remainder of the weird, wacky, sexy, crazy year. BUT FIRST: the icky.

According to a new book titles XL Love, author and health-policy journalist Sarah Varney explains how the rise in obesity rates is destroying the sex lives of many Americans. As young girls are increasingly gaining weight, they are faced with a plethora of issues with their sexuality, many stemming from hitting puberty younger – which often leads to unwanted touching, earlier unsafe sex, and unplanned pregnancies. Furthermore, as adults, their extra weight often causes them to to be wholly unsatisfied in their sex lives, with one out of three obese women claiming they “usually or always did not enjoy sexual activity, had little sexual desire, experienced difficulty with sexual performance and avoided sexual encounters.”

And guys – don’t think you’re exempt from fat-related sex issues — penis size is directly affected by extra pounds.

From XL Love, via The Post:

“For every 50 pounds overweight you are, you lose an inch of penis. A man’s penis is actually fixed to his abdominal wall, holding it in place,” writes Varney, based on Dr. Edward Karpman’s explanation. “The more a man’s fattening belly grows outward, ‘the more it eats their penis,’ leaving them with, according to the doctor, ‘this little nubbin of a penis.’”

Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t imagine ANY MAN wanting their gut to “eat their penis,” or to have “a little nubbin of a penis,” right? Needless to say, we’re gonna hit the gym extra hard today, and we encourage you to as well. Go on a run and put down the doughnut — it’s for your penis!