Every so often, the internet gifts us with a treasure, and this week it came in the form of a retired Texas cop car, repainted with bold letters across the side: “Texas (Hoes and) Booty Protection.”

Now, while we’re pretty sure this wasn’t an official government department (though give it a few years, who knows), the title does raise some important questions. What exactly would the duties of the Texas Booty Protection squad be? We have some theories.

First and foremost: protection—in every sense of the word. Forget handing out speeding tickets, this patrol would be making sure couples are well-stocked with the essentials before things heat up. No glove compartment should be without a glove, if you catch our drift.

Second: emotional protection. The Booty Protection Unit knows there’s no bigger buzzkill than the dreaded post-hookup “so… what are we?” conversation when all you wanted was a fun night. These officers would roll up, lights flashing, and gently remind: this was supposed to be casual, folks.

Third: booty equity. The squad makes sure everyone’s getting the attention they deserve—no one left out, no effort unreciprocated. Fair is fair, after all.

Finally, we imagine their motto would be something like: “We serve, we protect, we respect the vibe.”

So while the Texas Booty Protection car may just be an internet joke, the idea behind it isn’t half bad. After all, in a world full of stress and seriousness, maybe what we need is a reminder that safe, fun, and drama-free connections are always worth protecting.