Over the last few weeks, we’ve been learning a lot about women and sex, especially that they are often dissatisfied with their sex lives with men, and thus turn to lesbian porn to get off while solo. This new knowledge probably has a lot of you dudes out there wondering, “what am I doing wrong?” And though the easy answer is NOT ENOUGH FOREPLAY, the longer answer has to do with your actual mental state when in bed with a woman.

Sex expert Emily Nagoski clued in viewers over at HuffPo, explaining that,

“…Is men thinking that women are supposed to work the exact same way they do.” While every person’s sexual needs vary tremendously, a small portion of women may indeed experience a more traditional masculine model of sexuality (that is, the lightning bolt, spontaneous desire for sex that men seem to have). However, most women experience a more gradual escalation of arousal. For many, desire actually emerges from pleasure. “Sometimes it takes the feel of your partner’s body, their skin against yours, to even start thinking about sex” says Emily.

That second to last sentence is the big one: “desire actually emerges from pleasure” So if you’re horny and want to get the lady you’re with on your same level, ask her if you can spend some time on just her. Once she’s feeling in the mood, she’s much more likely to get ready for some steamy between-the-sheets action!

Log into your OnlineBootyCall account to meet singles in your area TONIGHT – and try this new method of seduction! Thanks, Dr. Emily!