Well, we’re in the future, everyone. Guys, you are really going to have to up your game if you want to keep getting laid, because now vibrators are even TALKING DIRTY to women. What’s next, making them breakfast after a booty call?

Via Vice:

It’s 2022, and vibrators are using suction technology, charting our orgasms, and, over at Vibes Only, have even become artificially intelligent with the ability to be controlled via app—and pulse along to a library of audio erotica. Allow us to explain. 

On top of its intentionally designed toys, the brand’s Bluetooth-enabled apps connects users to  a full-fledged erotic library that puts the New York Public Library to shame. Designed to tap into a variety of sexual fantasies—think sleeping with a hot doorman, having a one-night-stand with a tattoo artist, or preparing for when “Sebastian Takes You On a Ride”—each experience works in concert with the brand’s vibrators when connected the Vibes Only app, pulsing along to that fantasy’s “series of preprogrammed patterns and intensities.”

Danggggg. We’re speechless… and adding to cart now.