Often, after a long weekend of drinking, I announce to myself (between vomit heaves) that I really need to detox. No drinking, no fried foods, lots of vegetables, gallons of water… that sort of thing. However, as I get older and realize you don’t have to pour alcohol into your brain with fury every 6th day of the week, my idea of “detoxing” often takes a different form. So no, this Weekend To-Do list is not about detoxing your body, but instead your life as a whole! Think of it as spring cleaning, except it’s setting a tone for how your whole 2011 will be: clean, clutterless, and UNCOMPLICATED!

1) Clean out your godforsaken car

The last time I cleaned out my car I found 17 pens, a shirt I’d been missing for a year, and a dead squirrel. Maybe not really on that last one but definitely like, a lot of dust and dirt and leaves for some reason? Let me tell you, there is nothing better than climbing into your car and not thinking “I wonder if that smell is that bag of McDonalds from last Tuesday…” So if you’re lucky to be in a warm state, put on some shorts, blast some music, and enjoy the sun while vacuuming, collecting trash, and wiping that bird poop off the window from December. Oh, and if you live in a state where the temperature is less than your age, do it in your garage bundled up and with a space heater on. Do NOT leave your car running, because I can’t be responsible for another reader’s death.

 

2) Purge your Facebook and phone

You know as well as I do that there are probably 10 to 15 numbers, MAX, in your phone, that you actually use. Most numbers in there are one-time hookups, friends of friends, or people you met while drunk who you SWORE you’d hang out with but then never talked to again. And Facebook? Don’t even get us started… you probabaly spend more time thinking horrible things about most of the people on your news feed than actually contacting them. So take an hour this weekend to PURGE your electronic databases. Get rid of exes you still stalk, hookups that you seriously regretted, and friends whose negative status updates and creepy MySpace angle pictures put you in a bad mood. On top of just being a good figurative cleansing of the people in your life, you will also realize that spending hours upon hours on Facebook is really less appealing than you thought. And cleaning potentially terrible booty calls from your phone is also never a bad idea. Lucky for drunk dials, no one knows anyone number by heart anymore.

3) Change up your room

I am graced with a rarity in the modern apartment living world: a decent-sized bedroom. It gives me the opportunity to occasionally change around my furniture and make me feel like I have a whole new living space. However, if you have a smaller room or less available wall space (you know, floor to ceiling windows or a door that somehow takes up an entire wall), even adding a new set of curtains or a coat of paint can change up your room and give you a little boost in the morning. Short on cash? Thrift stores often have awesome chairs and bedside tables that look antique-like but cost just a few dollars. Just make sure you check them for spiders, mold, and AIDS.

Use these three ideas and by Monday you’ll be a whole new you, which will be great for next weekend when you ride the Binge Train to Hangover Town. Happy weekending, Warriors!