So, earlier this week a massive army of tornadoes ripped through the Midwest, killing of hundreds of people and displacing thousands more. So, in the past year we’ve dealt with a incredible earthquakes, tsunamis, dead birds falling from the sky, hurricanes, Donald Trump running for president, and online poker getting shut down. All horrific events which have lead me to decide that a post about preparing for disasters, natural or otherwise. Thus, I give you BCU’s Weekend Must-Dos, Disaster Preparedness Edition.

1. Create a Super- Survival Pack

Most survival packs contain only the bare necessities: canned foods, a first-aid kit, maybe a couple blankets and flashlight. Your survival kit should contain the things you need to live comfortably, including condoms, a nice bottle of scotch, and a battery-powered disco ball so you can through a tsunami/earthquake/tornado/nuclear explosion party. Seriously, though, in this consistently unstable Earth we live in today, it is very important to make sure you have the things you’ll need to survive and make sure your severed foot (someone always severs a foot) doesn’t develop gangrene. There is a reason there is an entire government website dedicated to making one, so get on that.

2. Run a tsunami/earthquake/hurricane/tornado/Godzilla attack drill

Remember when you were a kid and you kind of got excited for fire drills because it meant you got to avoid schoolwork and sit outside for an hour? You can do the same thing by having a natural disaster drill. Find a meeting spot that would be safe from whatever event is most likely to occur in your region (here, it’s earthquakes, so my sources say “under a rickety bridge” is NOT a good idea), and have all your friends meet there to simulate what would happen if a natural disaster hit. No cell phone service will be available, so if someone is late, you must assume them to have been killed. After meeting, continue on to a pub crawl at the bars nearby, because in an actual disaster, everyone is really gonna need a drink.

3. Donate/Volunteer/Party

Honestly, though, it’s been a crazy last week in the Midwest. Tons and tons of people have been displaced and are in need of assistance. If you can, donate your time or money to help the people who have been left with nothing. Redcross.org is always a safe bet to donate to, considering there are so many illegitimate (re: evil) charities out there. Reconsider buying Portal 2 for a couple more weeks and send that money to someone who might no longer even have shelter. Then, lift your glass (or 13 of them) to celebrate the coming together of citizens in time of need! Sorry. Was that lame? Did you expect an awesome #3 and then I ruined it with mom-tone? I’m sorry, here… let me fix that. Ahem. New #3: KICK OFF MAY BY HOSTING YOUR OWN BULL FIGHT/DODGEBALL TOURNAMENT IN YOUR BACK YARD.RULE ONE: EVERYONE IS BLINDFOLDED RULE TWO: THE BULLS ARE DRUNK.

Better? Alright cool. Have a good weekend, warriors! Prepare thyselves!