Some things are just unprecedented. Like when the lightbulb was first invented, people must have been like, I don’t know what to call this! Is this a special candle with a shell? I don’t understaaaand!

Not unlike the invention of the lightbulb, this new addition to the BCU feature set is an unprecedented blog post about various peoples’ levels of tolerance regarding different types of repulsive, disgusting-ass things. Like for example, although I think compound fractures are vomit-inducing, I will totally clean out your year-old food-caked fridge. So we’ve decided to poll our readers with the newest BCU feature: Which is Grosser?

This week: Police Report Edition. This fall has presented two of the grossest police reports of all time, one female and one male.

Case one: Melissa Lee Williams of West Virginia

According to the police report, Miss Williams arrived, visibly intoxicated, at the home of her ex-husband and his friend. After beginning to undress, she demanded to the two men, “eat my p*****.” Miss Williams’ ex-husband Danny refused, but apparently his best friend was on a severe dry spell, because he obliged. However, as he neared the woman, he was “overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from [her].” As he backed away and decided not to proceed with the oral sex, Miss Williams pulled out a switchblade and uttered the following sentence which had never before stated in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my p***y or I’m going to cut your f***ing throat.”

Case Two: Noah Smith of South Carolina

South Carolina police were called to a residence on a report of a man entering the house without permission, and when they arrived, they found Mr. Smith lying face down in the doorway, completely nude. As police tried to arrest the man, they noticed that he seemed to be in a completely hallucinogenic state. He fought back, slapping and kicking the officer, until the officer began to taze him, and even then, did not seem to be in any way affected by either taser or pepper spray. After being hog-tied and transported to the hospital for review, the officer on duty noticed something strange hanging from the suspect’s rectum: you guessed it: it was a mouse.

So, Which! Is! Grosser?