I am a sucker for a deal, which is why I am not allowed at Costco. “17 POUNDS OF CHEESE FOR ONLY 10 BUCKS?” “Why would you ever need that much cheese?” “BECAUSE TEN BUCKS.” So I can see how some of our more, howshallIsay, “midwestern” friends who were looking to get married (barf barf) might swoop up this gown, because check out that sale price!

But still. I mean. What? WHAT? What is going on here? Unless you were planning on getting married to the country itself (which I mean… don’t say that too loud or someone might do it), why would you want to look like a walking American Flag? And I like that the ad is quick to note that the accessories may not be included. So you might have to buy your own matching royal blue sequined blazer and purse. And you know what, while you’re at it, might as well grab a giant stuffed bald eagle as a hair accessory and a bouquet of McDonalds french fries to toss at your bridesmaids.

Reason #12,006 not to get married: your fiancée might walk down the aisle looking like THAT.