![\"\"](\"http:\/\/bcu2-shared.onlinebootycall.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/crystalhef.jpg\" "\\"crystalhef\\"")
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It’s been a while since we’ve had a really great dose of Obviously Obvious News (although we did get a taste with the news that Kat Von D and Jesse James split), so let’s get a good one to round out the month of July, shall we? According to Playmate Crystal Harris’ appearance on Howard Stern’s radio show, her ex-fiance, 85-year-old Hugh Hefner, only last “two seconds” in bed. She claims that the engaged couple only had sex once,<\/p>\n
\n“Then I was just over it,” she says. “I was like, ‘Ahhh.’ I was over it. I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.” Harris also mentioned that Hefner “doesn’t really take off his clothes. I’ve never seen Hef naked.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
It’s not as though we needed any more reasons to believe that their engagement was a sham and that she was just using the multi-millionaire mogul to get some publicity and a record deal, but if we did that’s definitely it. A woman who sauntered across red carpets in ungodly expensive dresses, lived in a mansion, and was gifted a 3-carat engagement ring (that she kept post-break up, BTW) by her doting fiance says they only had sex ONCE?<\/em> And then went on a dirty radio show to share embarrassing information about the encounter with half a million listeners? If that is not a clear sign of wretched gold-digging then I really don’t know what is.<\/p>\n
AND ANYWAY, I mean, OBVIOUSLY, DUH, B*TCH, the man is an octogenarian! There are 30-year-olds who can barely hold their load that long, let alone a man who lived through the friggin’ Depression!!!! You expect a man whose first marriage ended in NINETEEN FORTY SEVEN is going to be a stallion in bed? COME ON, DUMMY.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, there is no telling if Hef was in on the scam too, or if he really is the jilted ex he seems to be. If he was, I guarantee he’ll never admit it – so until then, we’ll jut have to assume that Crystal Harris is a superficial, abusive, conniving whore who left an 85-year-old man at the altar and won’t suffer any repercussions for it. GO AMERICA!<\/p>\n