{"id":11531,"date":"2011-08-11T13:30:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-11T20:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=11531"},"modified":"2011-08-11T09:50:37","modified_gmt":"2011-08-11T16:50:37","slug":"creepy-masturbation-off","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/creepy-masturbation-off\/","title":{"rendered":"Creepy Masturbation Off"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s been a while since we’ve had a decent dumb criminal off, hopefully because they are all interbreeding and dying off like the Hapsburgs, but today I came across something a little different – two stories about masturbation, both in equal amounts of GROSS. It’s up to you to decide who is creepier! Let’s begin.<\/p>\n

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A Louisiana man named Brent Keen is being held in lieu of $5,000 bail for allegedly driving around a Wal-Mart parking lot exposing himself to women and masturbating. This could be just another case of some weirdo who hasn’t gotten laid in too long, but no – the story gets weirder. According to<\/a> TheSmokingGun, the suspect stated that “he did have his penis out because of past experiences he had at Wal-Mart. Keen stated when he comes to Wal-Mart he gets aroused.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don’t know about you, but I would think that Wal-Mart is a place where you go when you need a real boner-killer. Just check out PeopleofWalMart.com to see the kind of talent that walks around a Wal-Mart, ESPECIALLY IN LOUISIANA. Maybe it’s the way Wal-Mart organizes their shelves, or something about those blue vests, or a little kink Mr. Keen has for bright yellow smiley faces, but either way: it’s creepy.<\/p>\n

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Next we have Warren Jeffs<\/a>, the notorious Mormon polygamist and rapist who is in prison for life for taking wives as young as 12 years old. He must be feeling rather unsatisfied without a pre-pubescent child to get him off, so he’s taken to furious masturbation… or so claims a guard in the prison where Jeffs is held.<\/p>\n

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According to one of his former jailers, the convicted child rapist masturbated more or less continuously while in custody. Rick Bradley, a guard at the county jail where Jeffs was kept in the weeks prior to his trial, told The Daily that the 55-year-old seemed to be suffering from sexual withdrawal and pleasured himself “a lot.” What does that mean, exactly\u2014five times a day? More, Bradley said.<\/p>\n

Fifteen times? “Sometimes more than that,” he told\u00a0The Daily<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The guard said that the prisoner\u2014who was not permitted conjugal visits\u2014often played solo in full view of his guards. “We could see him,” Bradley said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Barf. BARF. Sounds to me like this guy would make a great BFF to the litigious chronic masturbator <\/a>from a few months ago. I am just in BARF land thinking about this religious psycho, picturing his child brides and jerking it right in front of multiple male guards. GAG BARF EW.<\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been a while since we’ve had a decent dumb criminal off, hopefully because they are all interbreeding and dying off like the Hapsburgs, but today I came across something a little different – two stories about masturbation, both in equal amounts of GROSS. It’s up to you to decide who is creepier! Let’s begin. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3995],"tags":[6609,683,6612,724,6611,2449,6613,6610,2726,2404],"class_list":["post-11531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wtf-dating-news","tag-brent-keen","tag-gross","tag-guy-masturbates-at-wal-mart","tag-masturbation","tag-mormon","tag-news-stories","tag-polygamist-masturbates-15-times-a-day","tag-warren-jeffs","tag-weird-news","tag-wtf","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11531"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11531"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11531\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11549,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11531\/revisions\/11549"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11531"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11531"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11531"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}