{"id":11699,"date":"2011-08-24T11:15:43","date_gmt":"2011-08-24T18:15:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=11699"},"modified":"2011-08-24T10:00:18","modified_gmt":"2011-08-24T17:00:18","slug":"man-crashes-into-adult-store-to-steal-a-sex-toy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/man-crashes-into-adult-store-to-steal-a-sex-toy\/","title":{"rendered":"Man Crashes Into Adult Store to Steal a Sex Toy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><script type='text\/javascript' src='http:\/\/www.woio.com\/global\/video\/videoplayer.js?rnd=371786;hostDomain=www.woio.com;playerWidth=630;playerHeight=355;isShowIcon=true;clipId=6181423;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=News;advertisingZone=;enableAds=true;landingPage=;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=STANDARD_EMBEDDEDscript_EMBEDDEDscript;controlsType=overlay'><\/script><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s times like these that I want to take a page out of the Mormons&#8217; book and start going on missions trips to areas that don&#8217;t yet know about the wonders of online dating (and specifically OnlineBootyCall). Had we taken a &#8220;sexual mission trip&#8221; to Brownhelm Township, Ohio, this horrible story might not have happened:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/gawker.com\/5833790\/sex+crazed-loser-crashes-into-adult-store-steals-800-vagina\">According to Gawker<\/a>, a sex-deprived man in the township &#8220;stole a semi and crashed it into [AdultMart], making off with a $800 &#8216;life-like masturbator complete with female genitalia with legs and buttocks.'&#8221; He was able to escape on foot and is still on the lam, so if anyone in Ohio has seen a dude in a restaurant sitting across from a sex doll and having a full-on conversation, you should call the police, cause that poor fake woman has been kidnapped and is probably being horrifically abused.<\/p>\n<p>Although Gawker claims that the township&#8217;s population of women is ZERO, we believe that if this man had OBC in his heart (or at his computer) he might have been able to find a nice lady in a nearby city to hook up with, instead of committing multiple felonies just to get down with a fake vagina. <\/p>\n<!--themify_builder_content-->\n<div id=\"themify_builder_content-11699\" data-postid=\"11699\" class=\"themify_builder_content themify_builder_content-11699 themify_builder tf_clear\">\n    <\/div>\n<!--\/themify_builder_content-->\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s times like these that I want to take a page out of the Mormons&#8217; book and start going on missions trips to areas that don&#8217;t yet know about the wonders of online dating (and specifically OnlineBootyCall). Had we taken a &#8220;sexual mission trip&#8221; to Brownhelm Township, Ohio, this horrible story might not have happened: [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3995],"tags":[6702,6700,6701,2449,3591,2726,2404],"class_list":["post-11699","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wtf-dating-news","tag-adultmart","tag-man-crashes-into-sex-store","tag-man-steals-sex-doll","tag-news-stories","tag-sex-doll","tag-weird-news","tag-wtf","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11699"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11699"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11699\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11703,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11699\/revisions\/11703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11699"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11699"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11699"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}