{"id":20435,"date":"2014-02-07T10:30:38","date_gmt":"2014-02-07T17:30:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=20435"},"modified":"2014-02-06T20:17:51","modified_gmt":"2014-02-07T03:17:51","slug":"cosmo-sex-tip-promises-to-break-penises","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/cosmo-sex-tip-promises-to-break-penises\/","title":{"rendered":"Cosmo Sex Tip Promises to Break Penises"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"cosmosextip\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The 2014 Winter Olympics are just beginning today in Sochi, Russia. \u00a0People are talking about a lot of things, like the rampant homophobia<\/a> and effed up toilets<\/a> and half-furnished hotels<\/a> and disgusting water<\/a> and depressing amount of stray dogs<\/a>, but our favorite product of the whole event is Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Olympic-themed sex article, which (as it’s done before<\/a>) tried to make up sexual positions that sound not only uncomfortable but also HORRIBLY PAINFUL.<\/p>\n

The article, which offers up some Cosmo-level sex positions like “The Heavenly Spiral” and “The O-lympic Village” (HAHA!), got a extra nutso when they came up with the “Sex-Goddess Ski Jump.”<\/p>\n

Via Jezebel<\/a>:<\/p>\n

1. Take a flying leap. 2. Land on his penis. 3. Win a gold medal! Have him push you up against a wall and grab you around the butt. Now leap up into his arms like you’re soaring off a Sochi bluff, lock your legs around his waist, hold on to his shoulders for leverage, and get busy. Little-known Newton law of motion: up-against-a-wall sex is never not hot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What the ever-living F*CK? Ladies, ladies, ladies. PLEASE do NOT take a flying leap and try and land on your dude’s junk! IT IS A TERRIBLE, AWFUL IDEA! One degree in the wrong direction, one mistimed catch, and you’re looking at a severe penile fracture (don’t Google that. DON’T GOOGLE THAT!).<\/p>\n

It’s Friday and we’re excited to get out there and meet some new people, have fun, and get booty.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

BUT AGAIN, DON’T JUMP, NOR LET ANYONE JUMP ON A PENIS. IT IS A BAD IDEA. DON’T DO IT. PLEASE.<\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The 2014 Winter Olympics are just beginning today in Sochi, Russia. \u00a0People are talking about a lot of things, like the rampant homophobia and effed up toilets and half-furnished hotels and disgusting water and depressing amount of stray dogs, but our favorite product of the whole event is Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Olympic-themed sex article, which (as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[8590,8317,3469,3652,11102,11103,2404],"class_list":["post-20435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dating-and-sex","tag-bad-sex-tips","tag-cosmo-sex-tips","tag-cosmopolitan-magazine","tag-sex-positions","tag-sochi-olympics","tag-winter-olympics","tag-wtf","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20435"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20435"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20435\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20438,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20435\/revisions\/20438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}