{"id":4293,"date":"2010-05-28T10:35:25","date_gmt":"2010-05-28T17:35:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bcu.onlinebootycall.com\/?p=4293"},"modified":"2010-05-28T10:48:54","modified_gmt":"2010-05-28T17:48:54","slug":"e-celebrates-20th-anniversar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/e-celebrates-20th-anniversar\/","title":{"rendered":"E! Celebrates 20th Anniversary"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_4294\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4294\" style=\"width: 205px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-4294\" title=\"e news\" src=\"http:\/\/bcu2-shared.onlinebootycall.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/e-news.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"205\" height=\"320\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-4294\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">parasite (n): An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>When I think of the E! channel, I generally think of a dirty syringe full of an unknown drug that a homeless person might find in a dumpster. It&#8217;s absolutely the most repulsive idea in the world to inject yourself with it, but hey, you&#8217;re homeless, so what have you got to lose? And then 5 minutes later, they&#8217;re addicted to whatever disgusting life-swallowing drug they just injected and their life begins a downward spiral towards death.<\/p>\n<p>Alright, you&#8217;re right, that&#8217;s a little dramatic, but in all seriousness, I&#8217;m pretty sure that those who have fallen into watching the E! channel on a regular basis will probably split off from our species&#8217; evolutionary path and create a new sub-species that will continue to watch entertainment news and read tabloid magazines and eat Lean Cuisine meals while the rest of us get back to advancing our species.<\/p>\n<p>ALRIGHT FINE that&#8217;s dramatic too, but come on. E! sucks. It sucks a fat one.<\/p>\n<p>So, to honor the oh-so-enriching cable channel on its 20th anniversary, here are BCU&#8217;s ideas for fitting celebrations.<\/p>\n<p>1) <strong>Officially rename all the programs to rightfully explain what they are. Some examples:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li> <em>Pretty Wild<\/em>: &#8220;Keep Up With The Kardashians 2: Younger and Sluttier&#8221;<\/li>\n<li> <em>E! News<\/em>: &#8220;Ryan Seacrest and An Alien Talk About Crap No One Should Care About&#8221;<\/li>\n<li> <em>Kendra<\/em>: &#8220;On Minute 14 of My 15 Minutes of Fame!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li> <em>E! True Hollywood Story<\/em>: &#8220;Look What Our Privacy Invasion and Exploitation Did to This Boring Person!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>2) <strong>A giant beautiful cake made of fiberglass:<\/strong> Get it? It&#8217;s a metaphor for how all the people on that network (except Joel McHale and Chelsea Handler, we love you) are pretty on the outside and fluffy and poisonous on the inside.<\/p>\n<p>3) <strong>An all expenses paid one-way bus ride to Mars<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>4) <strong>The return of Celebrity Death Match:<\/strong> except this time, they&#8217;re not clay figurines, \u00a0actually fighting each other.<\/p>\n<p>I could try and come up with a 5th idea, but everything going through my head is really morbid and inappropriate and could potentially get me on the FBI search warrant list. So I&#8217;ll send off with this: Congratulations, E! You did&#8230; something!<\/p>\n<!--themify_builder_content-->\n<div id=\"themify_builder_content-4293\" data-postid=\"4293\" class=\"themify_builder_content themify_builder_content-4293 themify_builder tf_clear\">\n    <\/div>\n<!--\/themify_builder_content-->\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I think of the E! channel, I generally think of a dirty syringe full of an unknown drug that a homeless person might find in a dumpster. It&#8217;s absolutely the most repulsive idea in the world to inject yourself with it, but hey, you&#8217;re homeless, so what have you got to lose? And then [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,4,12],"tags":[2661,2662,2663,2348,1115,2657,2659,2658,2660],"class_list":["post-4293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bcu-hotties","category-thelife","category-stories","tag-20th-anniversary","tag-crappy-tv","tag-disease","tag-drugs","tag-e","tag-e-channel","tag-e-true-hollywoods-story","tag-kendra","tag-pretty-wild","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4293"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4301,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293\/revisions\/4301"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}