{"id":5082,"date":"2010-07-21T11:51:15","date_gmt":"2010-07-21T18:51:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bcu.onlinebootycall.com\/?p=5082"},"modified":"2010-07-21T11:51:15","modified_gmt":"2010-07-21T18:51:15","slug":"best-break-up-techniques","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/best-break-up-techniques\/","title":{"rendered":"Best Break Up Techniques"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_5083\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-5083\" style=\"width: 380px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-5083\" title=\"nuns\" src=\"http:\/\/bcu2-shared.onlinebootycall.com.s3.amazonaws.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/nuns.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"380\" height=\"285\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-5083\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">img @ urlesque<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Breaking up is hard to do, so Neil Sedaka said, and we agree, except in times when an entertaining, out with a bang break up is necessary. Perhaps you caught your SO in a tryst or have finally realized that without some sort of catastrophic event, your relationship will never end and you&#8217;ll be stuck watching <em>House<\/em> reruns until you reach the age where a diaper becomes a part of your outfit.<\/p>\n<p>Are you in one of these situations? Here are some of the most undebatable, awesome ways to break up.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1) Become gay<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We say this as a joke, because we know that people don&#8217;t just become gay, but if you one day met up with your partner in a sequined vest or a plaid flannel shirt (as a guy or girl, respectively), and start spouting off about &#8220;new feelings&#8221; and &#8220;a special new friend&#8221; and &#8220;seeing Rent on Broadway some day because I feel Maureen&#8217;s pain,&#8221; and they should get the hint.<\/p>\n<p><strong>2) Go into the Witness Protection Program<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Concocting an exciting, death-defying crime that you witnessed is the most fun part of this break up method. I like to go with some sort of gangster murder or a drug heist or a senator getting a blowy from a transvestite. The less fun part is explaining to them that you&#8217;re being sent to live somewhere no one knows about and that they can&#8217;t come with you because you know there&#8217;s going to be a whole bunch of the not-cute sobbing\/nose running going on. Not cute. Note: you will have to avoid all mutual hang out spots for at least a year, or until you grow a beard, whichever comes first.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3) Joining a monastery (or nunnery [do those exist anymore? I don&#8217;t know])<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>No one can be angry at you for deciding to devote your life to a higher power. Perhaps you saw a vision in your peanut butter and jelly, or maybe Jesus spoke to you while you may or may not have been drinking absinthe? Who knows. Either way, like #2, this one is tough to pull off when they see you slamming back Washington Apples, so&#8230; do your best to avoid that.<\/p>\n<p>Do you have any great breakup stories? We want to know!<\/p>\n<!--themify_builder_content-->\n<div id=\"themify_builder_content-5082\" data-postid=\"5082\" class=\"themify_builder_content themify_builder_content-5082 themify_builder tf_clear\">\n    <\/div>\n<!--\/themify_builder_content-->\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Breaking up is hard to do, so Neil Sedaka said, and we agree, except in times when an entertaining, out with a bang break up is necessary. Perhaps you caught your SO in a tryst or have finally realized that without some sort of catastrophic event, your relationship will never end and you&#8217;ll be stuck [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,3],"tags":[3207,3208,3209,1429,3210,2255],"class_list":["post-5082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advice","category-dating-and-sex","tag-best-breakup-stories","tag-best-ways-to-break-up","tag-funny-ways-to-break-up","tag-lists","tag-mean-break-up-stories","tag-top-3","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5082"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5082"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5082\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5086,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5082\/revisions\/5086"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}