{"id":9055,"date":"2011-03-28T14:38:16","date_gmt":"2011-03-28T21:38:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=9055"},"modified":"2011-03-28T14:59:16","modified_gmt":"2011-03-28T21:59:16","slug":"russell-brand-isnt-getting-laid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/russell-brand-isnt-getting-laid\/","title":{"rendered":"Russell Brand Isn’t Getting Laid"},"content":{"rendered":"

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via 4tnz<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Look at Katy Perry. Look at her boobs<\/span> <\/em>Look at her face<\/em>. They are<\/span> It is magnificent. There is no doubt that she is one of the most beautiful celebrities out there today, don’t you think? Imagine convincing her to date you, despite the fact that you are a scraggly, greasy man-child with little to no muscle tone and the head shape of a frail, 80-year-old invalid. And the sex is so great and she is so gorgeous and you want to lock that ass down, so you ask her to marry you. But then<\/em>, all of a sudden, it’s a year later and your steam train hasn’t seen the track in months, if you know what I mean. <\/em><\/p>\n

That’s apparently what’s going on for poor Mr. Brand. According to Jezebel<\/a>, he was recently interviewed and was quoted saying, “I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. But now I’m a bloody good gardener.”<\/p>\n

What.<\/strong> I’m sorry, WHAT. <\/em><\/p>\n

SO THERE.\u00a0 GUESS WHAT. <\/strong><\/em>Case closed, topic over.<\/strong> Marriage is the worst. Period. It turns people into murderers<\/a> and makes them go bat-sh** crazy<\/a> and turns sex-pots like Katy Perry into dead fish with just-for-show boobs.<\/p>\n

What. A. Waste.
<\/em><\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 Look at Katy Perry. Look at her boobs Look at her face. They are It is magnificent. There is no doubt that she is one of the most beautiful celebrities out there today, don’t you think? Imagine convincing her to date you, despite the fact that you are a scraggly, greasy man-child with little […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3638],"tags":[1485,1484,943,5134,5135,4560,2194],"class_list":["post-9055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-celebrity-gossip","tag-celebrity-couples","tag-celebrity_gossip","tag-katy-perry","tag-katy-perry-and-russell-brand-dont-have-sex","tag-katy-perry-is-a-prude","tag-reasons-to-not-get-married","tag-russell-brand","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9055"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9055"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9060,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9055\/revisions\/9060"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}