{"id":9652,"date":"2011-04-27T10:15:19","date_gmt":"2011-04-27T17:15:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=9652"},"modified":"2011-04-27T10:17:42","modified_gmt":"2011-04-27T17:17:42","slug":"obama-releases-birth-certificate-donald-trump-ruins-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/obama-releases-birth-certificate-donald-trump-ruins-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Obama Releases Birth Certificate, Donald Trump Ruins It"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In a moment which should have been a victory for everyone in the nation who isn’t a racist a**hole, President Obama pulled some strings with the Hawaiian government, thus allowing the long form of his birth certificate to be released this morning<\/a>. It will most likely be the talk of all major news corps for the next couple months, and could potentially change the state of political discourse, considering it was the main (only) platform on which many Obama-haters stood upon.<\/p>\n

However, while many of us cheered silently at our desks (or in my case, really loud at my desk because I’m the first one here), Donald Trump was sitting on some gold toilet in his 4th biggest mansion, rubbing his little talons together while trying to figure out a way to ruin it for all of us. And boy did he do it:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cToday I\u2019m very proud of myself, because I\u2019ve accomplished something that no one else has been able to accomplish.\u201d
Trump added, \u201cI want to look at it, but I hope it\u2019s true so that we can get on to much more important matters \u2026 he should have done it a long time ago.\u201d
He continued, \u201cI am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue.\u201d
As for the actual document, Trump added, \u201cWe have to look at it, we have to see \u2026 is it real? Is it proper? What\u2019s on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Ugh. UUUGHHHHHH<\/strong><\/em>. I did not think you could fit a city’s worth of douche-iness into one human being but I GUESS YOU CAN.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Secretly, mid-ass-wipe with his 700-thread-count toilet paper, I imagine Trumpy is having a little bit of a heart attack because his hilarious run as joke-president is finally almost over. In like, two weeks, everyone is going to be all, “Remember when that hotel dude made that joke about running for president and we almost believed it? HOW DUMB WERE WE HAHAHA<\/em>.” However, assuming DT is gonna keep trying to convince people he is qualified to run a country full of people with egos as big as his, I have a bone to pick with Donnie.<\/p>\n

MR. TRUMP, WE DEMAND THE ANSWERS TO THESE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. HOW<\/strong> are those 12 hairs on your head still attached?<\/p>\n

2. WHY<\/strong> does it always look like you are chewing on something?<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0WHAT<\/strong> is 6 + 4, and also remember when you went bankrupt like 12 times?<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

We would appreciate these answers in the long form, please.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a moment which should have been a victory for everyone in the nation who isn’t a racist a**hole, President Obama pulled some strings with the Hawaiian government, thus allowing the long form of his birth certificate to be released this morning. It will most likely be the talk of all major news corps for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3996],"tags":[5453,5454,4232,3268,1024,5455,3341,1361],"class_list":["post-9652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-headlines-dating-news","tag-birth-certificate","tag-birthers","tag-donald-trump","tag-headlines","tag-news","tag-obamas-birth-certificate","tag-politics","tag-president-obama","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9652"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9652"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9652\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9659,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9652\/revisions\/9659"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9652"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9652"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9652"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}