{"id":9840,"date":"2011-05-06T11:00:43","date_gmt":"2011-05-06T18:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/?p=9840"},"modified":"2011-05-06T10:33:43","modified_gmt":"2011-05-06T17:33:43","slug":"hiding-things-in-your-vagina-is-the-new-public-brawl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/hiding-things-in-your-vagina-is-the-new-public-brawl\/","title":{"rendered":"Hiding Things In Your Vagina is the New Public Brawl"},"content":{"rendered":"

Now that someone has been RUN OVER in the midst of a public brawl<\/a>, I’d like to hope that firework of a trend has officially died away. And luckily, I think it can now, with the appearance of a new style – storing things in your vagina. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

We always knew that ladies and gents were storing things in their butts (“keystering” is the scientific term),\u00a0 but now we have a new wave of progressive (and obviously breain-dead) women who are taking a more forward approach. Literally<\/em>. Check out these two news stories from the past week:<\/p>\n

\"\"First, we have Ann Marie Hernandez, of Pompano Beach, Florida<\/strong> (obviously), who was pulled over on interstate 75 for a routine traffic stop, when cops discovered that she had over $5,000 worth of merchandise purchased with a stolen credit card in her vehicle.<\/p>\n

According to UPI<\/a>, hen police called a female officer to the scene to search her, the female officer said she had found the fake ID and credit card used to make the purchases and – you guessed it – they were in her vagina. The photo of both credit card and ID arr shown to the right, courtesy of the sheriff’s department.<\/p>\n

Look at the shape of those things. Now think about the shape of the human vagina.You wouldn’t shove a square peg through a round hole, would you? So… you know…<\/p>\n

BAD IDEA, ANN MARIE. BAD IDEA. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

For our second crotch-criminal, we have the case of Gloria Esther Perez,<\/strong> (she’s from FLORIDA, so can we just assume <\/em>that all the crazies are in Florida these days?) who was in a physical alteration in the middle of a Fort Myers street when cops broke up the fight and began to do a pat down, due to Gloria’s excessive fidgeting and the appearance of hiding something.\"\"<\/p>\n

According to TheSmokingGun,<\/a> cops realized that she was in possession of hundreds of pills that she did not have a prescription for. Soon after, Miss Perez became ill and she was taken to a nearby hospital for evaluation.<\/p>\n

Good thing, too, because she had a knife hidden in her vagina<\/strong> (something tells me you shouldn’t be carting around sharp rusty objects down there, but what do I know). Further examination proved that Gloria had a different hiding spot on her person, that was somehow grosser.<\/p>\n

According to the report, the suspect had a second knife and a bottle of pills hidden in her fat rolls.<\/strong> The 5’4, 180 pound woman failed miserably at her attempt to conceal the contraband in her spare tire\/muffin top\/back fat, and was carted off to jail on $25,000 bond. I think that might be a hint to drop a few lbs, mamacita.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

So… so far we have credit cards, identification cards, and knives. Should we start taking bets as to what is found in a vagina next? My bets are on… forged checks or… novelty-sized baseball bats<\/em><\/strong>. Any takers?<\/p>\n\n

\n <\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now that someone has been RUN OVER in the midst of a public brawl, I’d like to hope that firework of a trend has officially died away. And luckily, I think it can now, with the appearance of a new style – storing things in your vagina. We always knew that ladies and gents were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3995],"tags":[5138,5559,5560,4500,5557,5562,5558,5563,5561],"class_list":["post-9840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wtf-dating-news","tag-crime-stories","tag-fat-rolls","tag-gross-crime-stories","tag-public-brawl","tag-woman-hides-credit-cards-in-vagina","tag-woman-hides-fake-id-in-vagina","tag-woman-hides-pills-in-fat","tag-woman-kids-knife-in-vagina","tag-women-criminals","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9840","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9840"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9840\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9918,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9840\/revisions\/9918"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9840"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9840"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onlinebootycall.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9840"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}