No, I’m not having a stroke. That’s a thing – Yale has exported its own Asian version of Mystery, AKA The Pick-Up Artist, AKA Runner Up For Worst Human Who is Now Winner of Worst Human Now That Osama is Dead. His name is J.T. Tran, but he calls himself the Asian Playboy, and he is clearly (as the photo appears above) a huuuge douche-B.

According to Gawker, J.T.  speaks at seminars for awkward Asians who are looking to get laid by (specifically) white, blond haired ladies. From NY Mag,

“Creepy can be fixed,” Tran explains to the standing-room-only crowd. “Many guys just don’t realize how to project themselves.” These are the people whom Tran spends his days with, a new batch in a new city every week: nice guys, intelligent guys, motivated guys, who never figured out how to be successful with women. Their mothers had kept them at home to study rather than let them date or socialize. Now Tran’s company, ABCs of Attraction, offers a remedial education that consists of three four-hour seminars, followed by a supervised night out “in the field,” in which J.?T., his assistant Gareth Jones, and a tall blonde wing-girl named Sarah force them to approach women. Tuition costs $1,450.

FOURTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS? That’s two months rent! And all to be lectured by THAT GUY UP THERE about how to talk to chicks? His motto is the modified Genghis Khan quote, “To crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women—in my bed!” Not. Even. Kidding. The worst part of this guy is that he specifies on his website that he can teach you how to pick up “white and other non-Asian women,” as though picking up Asian women is the last resort and should be avoided at all costs. UGH.

After reading the NY Mag article on the difficulties faced by stereotypically passive Asian males, despite their usual success in academics, I understand why they might look to their fellow man for advice on how to get passed the awkward shyness and let their true personalities shine through. However, THAT MAN? I don’t think they need a vest-wearing, dyed-hair sporting, duck-face making tool to turn to. All that’ll lead to is a bunch of fish out of water, trying to be something they aren’t. Barf.

Which reminds me of my business idea. The Chick-Up Artist. Hosted by ladies, lead by ladies, and assisted by ladies because what these guys are aspiring to be is a guy that is attractive to LADIES, not a sweaty angry dude with bad hair. Hey, Vh1- Call me.