Every now and then, a piece of dating advice stops us in our tracks.

Recently, we came across a “messaging coach” suggestion that encouraged singles to find a common enemy with their match. The logic? Shared dislike creates connection.

And sure, on a purely psychological level, there may be some truth there. Humans bond over shared experiences, shared values… and yes, sometimes shared frustrations.

But at OBC, we’re not totally sold on the vibe.

Because if the fastest way to connect with someone is by finding a person, group, or thing to complain about together, what exactly are you building?

A relationship? Or a tiny two-person grievance committee?

We’ve all been on dates where the conversation somehow turns into a roast session. The apps are terrible. Everyone is flaky. People don’t know how to communicate. Their ex was awful. Your ex was awful. The waiter is slow. The city is overrated. Kids these days. Parents these days. Dogs too big. Dogs too small.

For a moment, it can feel like chemistry.

Look! We agree on something!

But agreement isn’t always connection.

Sometimes it’s just mutual negativity wearing a fake mustache.

The people who tend to have the most success dating aren’t usually the ones hunting for things to dislike together. They’re looking for things to get excited about together.

Favorite travel stories.

A hobby you’re obsessed with.

The weirdest thing you’ve learned recently.

The restaurant you can’t stop recommending.

The dream you’re secretly working toward.

Those conversations create a very different emotional atmosphere. Instead of bonding over what’s wrong with the world, you’re discovering what lights each other up.

Now, there is one “common enemy” we’ll happily endorse:

The habit of looking for the worst in people.

If you and your date can unite against cynicism, chronic negativity, and the urge to write someone off over one imperfect text message, congratulations. You’re onto something.

Because dating is hard enough without treating every interaction like an audition for flaws.

So if you’re looking for a shortcut to connection, maybe skip the common enemy.

Find a common curiosity.

Find a common goal.

Find a common sense of humor!

Most importantly, find a common love of tacos.

Honestly, almost anything is better than spending an hour deciding who or what deserves your collective side-eye! Come to OBC with your best vibe ever.