Boy oh  boy, today sure is a sexy day, isn’t it? First we have one of my favorite childhood past-times getting the Hustler treatment, and now we have this politely seductive gentleman named John Westwood in New York City. Apparently, the 45 year old man (who wants you to know he is five foot, nine inches tall, which probably means he’s 5’6) has been slipping his “business card” in magazines around the city, with a simple plea: he wants to give you ladies some “powerful orgasms” by satisfying your “carnal lust.”

This comes just weeks after we learned about the Phone Booth Bachelor, with his hilariously specific dating standards posted all over Manhattan, so thanks to these two dudes, we’re now pretty sure that NYC is a city full of woefully inexperienced guys who have, somehow, a much higher opinion of themselves than is even remotely appropriate. Without further ado, let’s meet John Westwood.

(And ladies, please don’t panic. Everyone will get a turn.)

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