Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson is a man of many talents. Like playing football, and making up ridiculous names for himself, and AH YES, beating his wife. The two are separated now (although let’s see how long that lasts), but Chad is allegedly desperate for a reconciliation. This new little news nugget might not help, though – […]
Ugh, it’s almost like I’ve completely forgotten how to work! 4 days is too long to be lounging around and being lazy and eating and drinking enough to put on 12 pounds in 96 hours. It’s like I’m a baby learning how to walk, except I’m an adult who can’t remember how to make a […]
WELCOME BACK, everyone! How was your Christmas/Navidad/religiously-unspecific holiday weekend? I would rate mine as being somewhere in between the best weekend of my life and the most taxing nightmare of all time. Use your imagination to decide where on the scale it falls. Now it’s Wednesday and we’re back to “work,” except it’s only three […]
We’ve all but checked out over here at the OBC offices, so here is a terrifying video of Arnold Schwarzenegger telling horrifying Christmas stories to mentally-disabled children and a very old woman. And don’t worry, I know you were wondering, “will Mike Tyson be there?” And yes, Virginia, Mike Tyson WILL be there. Merry Christmas […]
The four-day holiday weekend is nearly upon us (yay for Christmas falling on a Tuesday), and whether or not you celebrate the biggest consumer holiday of the year, there is no denying that four days off in a row is a gift and a rarity and something to be cherished rather than wasted. So instead […]
Well, thank God. I no longer feel like a lost puppy wandering a country road – now everything is right and I know what we need to do. PACK OUR BAGS AND GO TO BRAZIL. Gorgeous Victoria’s Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel demands it. According to The Daily Mail, Candice claims that Brazil is her favorite […]
Well, we um… we made it, huh? Apocalypse hasn’t ripped us from our mortal forms and thrown us into a tailspin of misery in purgatory? Well, that’s good… Right? Uhhh. I hadn’t really planned for this day to actually exist. And now it’s our last post before Christmas break… UHHHHHH. Here’s Barack Obama signing Deck […]
Welp, here we are everyone. Now that we have decided to go ahead and accept the ridiculous idea that the end of the world as we know it is coming in less than 24 hours, it’s time to set some ground rules. Assuming the Earth starts to hurtle into a black hole or the sun […]
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THERE WERE TWO NICK CANNON NEWS PIECES IN THE PAST WEEK? WHAT IS GOING ON??? WHY DOES HE NEED PUBLICITY??? Ugh, whatever. According to Fox News, our favorite nobody Nick Cannon says he broke up with ex Kim Kardashian (back when she looked WAY MORE MIDDLE EASTERN THAN NOW, […]
Well, the best 23 seconds of our day have just happened. It’s all downhill from here, folks.
