Click on the diagram above to see the full extent of the craziness.

So basically, based on the logic of the diagram, “The Economic Effects of Promiscuity,” you should probably also never operate a motorized vehicle, ride a bike, take a plane/train/bus trip, stand on a ladder of any sort, walk across a street, go into a 7-11, or leave your house unless surrounded by bulletproof glass.

To Susan Walsh, the obviously anxiety-ridden, mentally unstable creator of this totally unrealistic diagram, we’d like to remind you that risks are everywhere, and if you attempt to avoid any risk ever, you’ll end up living in a basement somewhere, eating saltines and nervously awaiting the apocalypse. Casual sex, when practiced safely, can be one of the most enjoyable, cathartic, healthy activities you can partake in, so maybe you should just CALM THE F*** DOWN. Then maybe you’ll get laid and we can pretend this psycho little move never happened.

And on a side note, we’re pretty sure that marriage is just as much (if not more) of a strain on the economy. Check back in on Monday for a professionally prepared (re: hastily constructed on MS Paint over the weekend) flowchart which will determine if Ms. Susan Walsh is right or just spewing BS from her uptight little you-know-what. Spoiler alert: it’s the second one.

(note: does it seem to anyone else like Susan is a jilted ex and made this specifically to “warn” the guy that dumped her? I dunno. That’s what it looks like to me.)