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I am like a giddy child today, excited off my ass that tonight is the glory and the pinnacle of all television: THE VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW! KATY PERRY! BOOBS! CLASSY LINGERIE! KATY PERRY’S BOOBS IN CLASSY LINGERIE!

That’s right, everyone, gather your friends and family because this is not an event to be missed. And of course, as promised, we have come to prepare you for the official BCU Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Drinking Game.

To prepare: You’ll need a solid amount of beer, or if you’d like to spend your Wednesday vomiting into your coffee thermos: liquor. Ladies, I would suggest perhaps some wine, because nothing will make this experience worse for you than watching those flawless bodies strut down the runway with Beer Bloat. I promise you. And guys, probably a good idea to rub one out before watching this- the last thing you want is a couch full of dudes trying to hide their boners. BUZZ KILLLLL. Okay – on to the rules:

Take one drink:

– Anytime the costume looks like it could weight more than the model

– Ladies – anytime you feel your self-confidence plummet

– Guys – Every time you think about having sexual intercourse (with anyone)

Take two drinks:

– Any time a model blows a kiss to the audience

– If you see Marisa Miller’s phenomenal rack

– If you see Russell Brand’s less phenomenal rack (swear to god the man can’t get the logistics of buttons)

Finish your drink:

– Any time Katy Perry shoots anything out of her tits

– If you catch a glimpse of the $2 million bra

– If they reference a model’s very recent pregnancy

If you pay attention and follow the rules, you should be just sloshed enough to pass out before the local news starts at 11, thank GOD. No one wants to hear Rock Stoneson talk about how Post-Its are killing your children.

Have fun, and remember – drink responsibly(ish)!