Ah, Christmas. The joy, the tradition, the cheer, and the 38,446th reason to stay single.

The lovely Karen Lueders of Winsonsin (shown in the mug shot above) must not have been feeling the love of the holiday season Monday night, when she was arrested for allegedly biting off her husband’s tongue and injuring his junk after the poor guy went in for a goodnight kiss. And the story gets stranger… According to Gawker, the whole incident happened while she was sitting on the toilet, and as the police pulled up, Karen was standing outside the house, singing Christmas carols and carrying around a New Year’s horn. But I mean, obviously it’s the holidays, idiots, and how else do you celebrate your December defeat of the Husband army on Toilet Mountain except with a resounding chorus of O Holy Night? HUH? HOW?

Needless to say, Karen Leuders’ hilariously intriguing behavior didn’t stop there. According to reports, during her court hearing,

“she leaned over to a reporter as she was escorted out in handcuffs, saying, ‘I love you, it’s too bad you don’t listen.’ While leaving the courtroom she continued in the same singsong voice, saying, “I love you. Karen Lueders.” (Sheboygan Press)

Karen was charged with felony “mayhem,” which sounds more like throwing a party with too much egg nog than viciously severing your spouses tongue from his body, but hey, that’s why I don’t make the rules.

Here’s to wishing you a happy holiday season full in which you keep both your tongue and your sanity, unlike the Lueders family. CHEERS!