Grab your barf bags and gather ’round, young ones, it’s time for a story to ruin your lunch!

In our most recent chapter of RIP IT OFF: A Comprehensive List Detailing Why Florida Should Be Yanked Off Like America’s Hangnail, we have a mother daughter duo, Monica and Jessica. Monica and Jessica like doing your everyday Mom ‘n Daughter stuffz: pedicures, brunch, painting ceramics, AND OH YEAH HARDCORE THREESOME SEX ON CAMERA. Say hello to “The Sexxxtons”!

Let’s play a little game of “count the red flags,” shall we?

AHEM. Ever since daughter Monica dropped out of school in 9th grade (ONE!) and turned to stripping (TWO!) to help her family save their home from foreclosure (that’s a bummer), she realized that stepping in front of a camera would probably be her next step. “I’ve always been an exhibitionist and sex just oozed out of me,” (THREE!) she said, adding that she lost her virginity at age twelve (FOUR!). However, she wasn’t about to get into porn without a buddy… so she recommended that her mother try it our first (FIVE!). Eventually, Monica joined the pornography party, and she and her mom began filming porn scenes together, at one point both having sex with Monica’s boyfriend (SIX!).

Don’t worry though, they never actually do anything with each other, because that would be TOTALLY icky. For both “legal and personal reasons,” they don’t sexually interact, despite often having sex with the same man on camera (SEVEN. DEFINITELY SEVEN.).

We at OBC are the last ones to judge – if you’re not hurting anyone with your own sex life, then why should anybody else be involved or care what you do? Especially if it turns you on and makes you feel sexually fulfilled? Monica says it best, that she when she’s sharing an intensely erotic and moving sexual experience with her mother and another man, she thinks, “we’re going to be filthy rich.” Didn’t that just give you CHILLS?

Hey America – I know Florida hurts and it’s getting all swollen and you seem to get it caught on your throw blanket like every five minutes, BUT SERIOUSLY. RIP IT OFF.

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