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Celebrities

Charlie Sheen is Still Charlie Sheen

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Legacy embedded media It's good to know you can always count on some things, like the mail, and 7-11 being open, and Charlie Sheen being a sloppy drunken mess. According to reports, Charlie Sheen was hospitalized this morning after being found naked in a trashed hotel room in New York City. Police said that Charlie …
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Celebrities

Things You Don't Need: The Situation's New Book

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Two very special things are happening on the first Tuesday of November: one is an important event which solidifies our nation as a country that accepts free speech, the freedom to choose, and the ability to elect borderline psychotic human beings as leaders and role-models, and the other is Election Day (HA! See what I …
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Celebrities

T.I's Going Back To Jail

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Apparently, talking a suicide jumper off a ledge isn't quite enough to save you from jail time! According to TMZ, rapper T.I. is going back to jail for probation violation resulting from an arrest last month where he was caught with a controlled substance. Despite officers from the suicide incident testifying on his behalf and …
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Celebrities

Daily Dose of Celebrity Nude Scandal

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It's been almost a week since our most recent naked celebrity scandal (I don't know if you remember, but it was a certain elderly gentleman and his Vienna sausage) and I was starting to worry. What if I never got to see some celebrities' junk that I never wanted to see in the first place …
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Celebrities

T.I.: Your Celebrity Hero Of the Day?

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Don't worry, you didn't take too many Gummi vitamins this morning - it's true: rapper T.I. (the same one who was released from a 7 month incarceration only to be arrested within a month for possession of ecstasy and codeine) is apparently now a LIFE-SAVING HERO.According to reports, when the rapper heard that a local …
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Celebrities

Russell Simmons is Still Bad Ass

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Proof that just because you're 972 years old, you don't EVER have to stop being a bad ass who has his pick of the freshest produce from the aisle (that is to say, bangin' hot 23 year olds): Russell mother-f---ing Simmons, the man behind Def Jam records. Look at this photo. Look at the bad …
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Celebrities

Kim Kardashian Is Down to Hook Up!

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Alright everyone, pack your bags, we're moving to New York City. According to a report by People magazine, Kim Kardashian is looking for a booty call. Apparently, she and her sister Kourtney are starring in a new reality show (I think that brings the running Kardashian total to what, 38?) called "Kourtney and Kim Take …
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Celebrities

Gross.

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Alright, magazine companies. It's time we had a talk. I was okay with you featuring half naked chicks and women with no noses and even photos of starving children in war-torn countries. But when you take it a step further, Billboard, and put a corpse on the cover of your magazine, a NAKED corpse, at …
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Celebrities

Two More Reasons We Wish We Were at Oktoberfest

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See them? They're right there. Two flawless, amazing reasons that we wish we were in Germany right now at this very moment across the table from Hayden Panettiere. Two wonderful, tasty reasons we wish we weren't sitting at a desk in America but instead at a table across the ocean staring lovingly at them.What? Why …
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Celebrities

The Situation Has a Clothing Line

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If you told me last year that on September 23, 2010, I'd write two Jersey Shore related posts, I'd have punched you in your lying mouth. I'd have told you there were much more important things to talk about, like the escalating conflicts in the Sudan or maybe how the current bi-partisan bickering in the …
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Celebrities

Playgirl Wants a Mold of Vinny's You-Know-What

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Just when I thought there was no possible way I hadn't heard every disgusting sex metaphor in The Book Of Disgusting Sex Metaphors, the human-like parasites of the Jersey Shore stumble drunkenly in and explain how wrong I really am. In a recent episode, Snooki was overheard comparing her and Vinny's awkwardly propositioned sex to …
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Celebrities

Just Another Reason to Avoid Marriage

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In your every day, average court room, a divorce settlement is rocky, emotional, and stressful. Dividing assets and custody of children and pets can take a severe toll on ones psyche. However, in the world of multi-million dollar (and sometimes billion dollar) marriages, the divorce settlements reach national headlines. Like, say you just happened to …
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Celebrities

Oprah is Going to Australia

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As much as I hate daytime feel-goodery talk shows, sometimes I think maybe I should just make it my second job to show up to them because people are always getting free sh-t just for showing up, sitting in a chair, and pretending to care when Tyra starts talking about women with two vaginas or …
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Celebrities

Owen Wilson's Peeing on a Golf Course

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In more Celebrities Being D*cks news, Owen Wilson is peeing on a golf course, because when you're an insanely successful movie actor the world is not just your oyster, but also your toilet. The cuter brother would NEVER do this.
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Celebrities

Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress

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Let's me preface this rant by saying I love meat. I eat just about every animal out there, and would probably wear leather if it didn't look so god-awful on me. That being said, COME ON, LADY GAGA. THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. Lady Gaga won 8 awards at the VMAs last night, all …
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Celebrities

Kim Kardashian Sex Doll Look-a-like

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It was only a matter of time before the gorgeous, busty sex-tape star and Carl's Jr. spokeswoman Kim Kardashian got her own sex doll. In fact, considering she's been popular since 2006, AND already has a wax figure at Madame Tussauds, I'm surprised it's taken this long to create a latex doppleganger for use by …
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Celebrities

Obvious News: Joe Francis Tell-All

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First off-- we don't personally have a huge problem with Mr. Francis. I mean, no one seems to have a problem with FemSkin, or sexing up toddlers, or the Brazzers franchise (super NSFW, duhh), and each of these businesses do nothing to further the female plight in life. Joe Francis took a worldwide affinity for …
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Celebrities

Snooki is a Liar

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So, so many things. A) Those boots make so much sense. She's an Eskimo, you guys. So all that time we were making fun of her height/weight/face/life, she's been trying to survive the winter in her igloo full of Bump-Its and P'zones. B) What you don't know is that she's hiding a well worn copy …
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Celebrities

Juggalos Attack Tila Tequila

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You might know Tila Tequila from her MySpace fame-whore days, or her "Shot at Love" fame-whore days, or her "Shawne Merriman beat me up" fame whore days (which is totally ridiculous because Merriman is a gentleman and a scholar and is going take the Chargers to the Super Bowl this year, guaranteed). And now it …
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Celebrities

Sofia Vergara In Esquire, Thank God.

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As a huge Modern Family fan, I was always mildly (inconsolably) angry when I couldn't find a decent photo-shoot of the Colombian-born beauty that wasn't from like, 1982, featuring French-cut bikinis that for some reason can make even the hottest bod look, well, lumpy and awkward and misshapen. So it was with very much excitement …
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