You know that feeling when you’re dating like it’s a project and every swipe is either a win or a failure? (Spoiler: that’s the mindset the therapist wants you to ditch.) The article makes the case that all this goal-chasing in love is doing more harm than good.

Here’s what the therapist is really saying (in nicer words): stop treating love like a checkbox list. The “If I don’t get commitment by date 3, it’s over” or “I must be perfect so they won’t leave me” narratives are toxic. They f*ck with your head, your confidence, and your ability to actually connect.

So what’s the alternative? A kinder, more curious approach. Meet dating as you — flawed, messy, human — and with boundaries, self-respect, and patience.

Three Mindset Swaps That Actually Help

1. Detach from “destination love.”
   Stop pretending every date has to lead somewhere big or fail spectacularly. Let some of them just… be. You don’t need a “relationship outcome” stamped on every meeting.

2. Be curious, not judgmental.
   If someone ghosts, ask what cues or boundaries you missed or gave, instead of sending yourself nasty texts. Use it as insight, not evidence you weren’t enough.

3. Behavior over identity.
   You’re not “bad at dating.” You tried something that didn’t work. The behavior (communication, pacing, boundaries) is what needs tweaking — not your whole self.

These shifts don’t promise instant love stories. But they turn dating into an experiment, not a catastrophe.

Why This Works (Because, Science-ish)

• Mindsets centered on performance or “achieving love” tend to heighten anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking.

• When you lower the stakes and soften the pressure, you allow more genuine connection and authenticity.

• You also build resilience—when a date doesn’t go how you hoped, you learn rather than crumble.

So yeah: it’s not about forcing someone to pick you. It’s about being wise about who you let in and how you show up.

What You Can Try Right Now

• When you feel your inner critic popping up mid-date, pause and ask: Is this thought helpful, or is it a horror-movie script?

• Choose one date this week where you don’t set big expectations. Just show up, see what happens (or doesn’t).

• Write down one thing you liked about yourself after each interaction — even if you thought it sucked. That voice needs fuel too.

This journey isn’t about being flawless. It’s about becoming more present, grounded, and aligned.

Want Backup? Join OBC

You don’t need to do this alone. OBC is your crew for dismantling toxic dating scripts, rewriting your boundaries, and walking into connections from a place of strength and self-trust. It’s not about magic tricks — it’s about real work (with support) that changes how you date, not just who you date.

Ready to stop the performance and start showing up (for you)? Join OBC now.

Your heartbreaks don’t define you. The way you heal, learn, and grow? That’s your power. Let’s do this.