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WTF

Idiot Robs a Wal Mart on Shop With a Cop Day

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So, you thought that attempting to mug an MMA fighter was bad? Well, at least Anthony Miranda didn't KNOW the dude was a professional ass-kicker. In this next dumb-ass criminal story, we may have found someone even MORE deserving of a Darwin award! Mr. Timothy Randall Clark must be a few brain cells short of …
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Man Gets BJ in Back of Cop Car

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This is what I like to call a GIVING woman. According to TheHoustonPress, Tina Marie Arie and Howard Windham were arrested at a Texas Whataburger for having a stash of hydrocodone and Soma pills on them (that happened to cause their friend to pass out in a booth - hence the cops being called). Their …
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NO THANK YOU: Porn On Planes

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I recently flew home from San Francisco on a completely booked flight at 6 in the morning. I had been up partying till about an hour before my flight left, so you can guess that boarding a cold, dark airplane with a hundred other people I didn't know at dawn was NOT pleasant. Needless to …
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NO THANK YOU: Vodka Soaked Tampons

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Today is Thursday, a wonderfully amazing Thursday because not only it it (a) a holiday tomorrow, but also (b) TWENTY FOUR HOURS UNTIL LIFT OFF TO VEGAS for the Manny Pacquaio vs Juan Manuel Marquez fight this weekend! ZIIIIING! However, my giddiness has had a temporary damper put on it by the many creepy and …
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Snakes in an ATM

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GET IT? SNAKES ON A PLANE REFERENCE! You know how jokes about movies that are 5 years old are great and always funny, right? They are always funny! HAHA! Wait what? What's that? Am I in an oddly good mood? Uh, no! Not that I know of! I mean, it's not like anything exciting is …
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Ghosts Have Sex Too

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Before today, we would normally agree with the idea that the need for sex is a natural part of life. We'd say that repressing your desires is unhealthy both mentally and physically for human beings who are biologically pre-disposed to want some booty! However, we now realize that statement is false. It's not a natural …
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Proof That Jersey Shore is Fake

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Oh god. OH GOD NO. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ABOUT MY DAY NORMALLY WITH THIS INFORMATION? IT'S LIKE IF A SCHOOL COUNSELOR CAME IN DURING STORY TIME IN KINDERGARTEN AND SAID "YOUR MOM'S DEAD, BUT FINISH THAT MACARONI PICTURE." I am shattered. TORN, even. Heartbroken. And now I'm supposed to write for the …
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Drunk Guy Lets 9-Year-Old Son Drive

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San Diego, I have learned, has the highest number of DUIs per capita of any city in the ENTIRE UNITED STATES. I blame this on several factors: a horrific lack of public transportation, lack of alcohol education in high school, and urban sprawl so widespread that cab fares are nearly unfathomable as a young adult …
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TSA Screeners Leave Awkward Note

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According to blogger Jill Flipovic, a strange and unsavory incident occurred on her last jaunt through security at the airport. No, she wasn't felt up or forced to strip down, but her belongings basically were... and when a TSA agent came across her "Silver Bullet," a vibrator from Babeland sex toy company, they seemed to …
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Woman Throws Frozen Steak at Boyfriend

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Remember MadLibs? The awesome game where you made up hilariously nonsensical stories by inserting random (usually poop-related) words into otherwise normal stories to make them totally ABSURD? That's how I feel about this next crime story, featuring a couple arguing over freezer space.According to the Smoking Gun, Edna Verdin became F***ING FURIOUS on Sunday night …
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Don't Read This: Ladies Edition

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Remember yesterday when I destroyed all the dudes' lives by posting THIS STORY WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT CLICK ON IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY? Well, today we get one for the ladies, out of Northern California, where a woman and her boyfriend experienced a woman's worst nightmare. According to April Bonjour (which has to be a …
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Do Not Read This

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I am warning you - if you own a penis and want to keep your testicles on the outside of your body, YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS. If you chose to read this, they will likely retract into your body like scared turtles.According to the Smoking Gun and the Wichita, KS police department, a man …
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Man Assaults Ex For Not Liking His Status Update

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Facebook has become the central hub of many peoples' lives. Specifically my family that lives in the South. Boy do they love their Farmville and Pirate Wars and Mafia bullsh*t. And with the new Facebook feed, I can practically watch them waste their hours away commenting on photos and liking their own Nickleback-lyric status updates. …
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Guy Reports Theft of Child Porn

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Ah yes, the sweet sweet return of Dumb Criminal posts, how I have longed for thee. Nothing... not Chris Brown being called gay, not cow nipple couture, not even Marion Barber eating the turf makes me as happy as a short and sweet idiot criminal alert. And today's is a doozy.Kraig Stockard was shocked and …
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Iowa Cops are the Worst

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If you walked by a building with a sign calling itself "the naughtiest show in Des Moines," what would you expect to see inside? A basketful of kittens mewing quietly? An elderly blind man playing violin by himself? A children's choir singing Christmas carols? No, you'd probably expect to see some NUDEZ, or at least …
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WTF News Story of the Day

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Whoa! Weird, right?! Let's do some investigating. Here are some possible explanations for this story: That guy took some magic mushrooms and none of this actually happened. The end.
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