WTF

Just when I thought we had the most intense competition of all time (Great wall of Vagina vs Bomb Squad Vibrator) I cam across these two delightful news stories just this morning. It's like someone is smiling down on me and saying, "no, my child, it gets worse. Trust me." So we have Karin Mackaliunas …

Imagine you are working a 911 dispatch center, and a guy calls, and he's in so much pain that he can barely speak, and you're like, "9-1-1 WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?" and he's like, "MY... MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE... SHE DID SOMETHING." And then you're like, "okay sir, you have to tell me what's wrong so …

File this under G for GOOD GOD THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER. A woman in Sweden found a condom, a condom wrapper, and a plastic ring in the bottom of a carton of filmjölk, a sour-tasting fermented milk product popular in Sweden. FIRST OF ALL, let's talk about this "sour-tasting fermented milk product" …

I frequently try and scour my memory to remember what life was like before the internet, before cell phones and text messaging and dating sites and Facebook. It's basically impossible. It's like trying to remember being born. However, I can occasionally take the time to remind myself how flat-out CRAZY some people on the internet …

Reason #422 not to get married (or why not to do meth): your husband might drive across a city with you holding on for dear life to the hood of his car. According to Reuters, a man cracked out on methamphetamines was arrested last week for driving 40 miles at speeds of upwards of 100 …

Just when you thought that Charlie Sheen took the cake for the nuttiest weirdo out there, you find out about Reverend Grant Storms, the vehemently anti-gay Christian pastor from Louisiana, was found outside a children's playground masturbating in his van.According to the Huffington Post, two women spotted him looking a little suspicious by the park, …

It's time for another edition of "Stories Behind the Crime Report."Meet Rodney Knight. A DC resident and aspiring party-planner, Rodney thought it would be a great idea to let the local residents know the excitement and fun that he could bring to a surprise birthday party (because surprise parties, of course, are the best type …

TOO... MANY... JOKES. CAN NOT... PICK. The DOMAINfest Global Conference hosted by the Playboy Mansion on February 3rd has caused some rather... unfortunate yields this week, as an outbreak of the disease legionellosis has officially sickened 170 attendees. The disease, which is known for "symptoms mostly consisting of fever, chills, general discomfort (malaise) and some …

You know, there has been some weeeeird sh*t on the internet this week. Cringe-worthy and disgusting (this woman who eats her own poop) to mind-bendingly scary (Bristol Palin saying she could run for office someday), you all should be thanking me for not forcing you to experience it even though I watched it just for …